I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize