just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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