i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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