Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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