thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
