So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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