I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
