Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
