You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
