How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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