yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
