just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
