We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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