with your own penis?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
