Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
