Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
