you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
