I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
