I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
