Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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