she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize