things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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