just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
