it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this boner is exhausting
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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