Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
