Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
