After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
