My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
