True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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