Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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