he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize