your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jerry, you need to find god
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
