a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
