Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
