Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize