So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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