with your own penis?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
