dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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