you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
