I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and she was petting her beer can
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
