my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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