she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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