Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
