Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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