Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
