I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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