Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize