It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
