So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
