I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
