if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
