If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize