I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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