Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it because I queefed?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
