Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
