If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
