season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
