I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
