Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
