Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want her autograph on my taint
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
