Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
