i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
