I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
